It's Eating My Brain

in 2004's Super-Size Me, a documentary about fast food, writer-director Morgan Spurlock notes the corrosive influence of fast food not only because of the poor nutritional value, but also the effect of fast food on american culture. Spurlock invites several people to recite the pledge of allegiance. standing on the sidewalk in front of the White House lawn several people give multiple efforts, but no successful recitations are presented in the film. then Spurlock invites them to quote the words to the jingle from the early 80s for the for the Big Mac. "Two all beef patties, special sauce..." and so on spills out easily.

i don't think Spurlock was trying to say that fast food or even jingles in general are the cause of memory loss, but there is something that should be noted: the way jingles etch out an apparent permanence in our brains. over 20 years later, that same type of corrosiveness still leaves its mark. perform a sad little experiment on the average american by singing a little "ba da buh ba bah" and see how many times you get "i'm lovin' it" in response. pathetic.

the ingredients for this mental deterioration are as follows: some simple words, a recognizable tune and endless repetition. the claws dig in and find a home. the words don't have to be good or clever. the tune doesn't have to be unique or even new. your brain doesn't even care if you like mcdonald's or whatever else they're trying to sell. there isn't even any respect for your value system. This last point was demonstrated by the shock on the faces of Spurlock's impromptu test subjects.

perhaps not quite as vile as some commercials are the theme songs to television shows. at least with the theme songs you are choosing to watch the program more often than not. you are intentionally supporting the product that the extended jingle was designed to sell. the same tactics are exploited, but without such malice.

i will admit that i know more words to television theme songs than i'd like to know. let's face it, i've seen too much TV. nevertheless, these songs have a knack for carving into your brain. the Brady Bunch and Gilligan's Island were well beyond the years in which they were filmed by the time i saw any episodes and it's been a long time since i found either show entertaining, but i can still sing along. i'm not the only one with that problem either. ¿which are your particular "favorites"? ¿The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire? ¿Cheers? ¿Friends? (i know that my roommate sings the "Thank You for Being a Friend" theme song from The Golden Girls more often than i am comfortable with.)

now let's come back to the present day. i have become the fan of another television show. along with that fandom, i think i'm well on my way to having another theme song burrowed into my brain for the rest of my life.

uuuuuuuuuooooooooOOOOWWWWAAAOOOOOHHHWWWAAAOOOOOOOEEEeeeaooeeeooooh!

Curse you LOST!... i'm going to be singing that song all week.

now i just have to be careful and not get addicted to watching all of those past seasons of 24 ("boop bip boop bip...")

Leave the Starfish Alone

someone has to stand up and say something.

in the recent past the internet, rather than helping to disseminate knowledge, has been burdened with a lot of junk and people have passed that junk on to their friends. sure there were some dumb but relatively harmless pictures that came your way with titles like, "You Have to See This!!" or "You'll Never Believe it!!" but then there are the hoaxes that have the hopelessly naive people trying to get free trips to Disneyland from Bill Gates and sending their money straight into the wallets of some marginally clever Nigerian thieves.

prior to the advent of the internet, there were similarly viral stories that were able to creep into the vocabulary of seemingly sensible people. these are those stories that share some moral ideal, but through an unfortunately contrived tale. some of these stories are purported as true. other stories are told because they just seem "nice". there are probably even some true stories that have had some well intentioned embellishments or some editing due to forgetfulness.

listen up folks -- ENOUGH ALREADY!

passing these stories on isn't doing anyone a favour and this behaviour has been going on too long. Pope Gregory turned Mary Magdalene from a normal person into a whore with his good intentions in 591. it's time for the stories to stop.

• the olive tree is not the only tree in the world to grow counter to the natural way that all other trees grow, giving the tree it's venerable status in the Bible.
• a little girl was not saved from a car accident by a guy that looks like your culturally preferred picture of Jesus.
• your particular religious faith was not miraculously diverted from the World Trade Center on 9/11.
• the Pope does not have 666 inscribed on the inside of his hat,
• we're all still looking for the scripture where Jesus defines the difference between "easy" and "worth it", and finally...
• no one needs to save the starfish.

on behalf of the starfish, i would like to note that SEA STARS CAN WALK! their movement is unique in the animal kingdom, but they can still move and they move surprisingly fast. secondly, sea stars have sensory organs and enough brains to decide where they feel comfortable on their own. the fabled soul who was chucking starfish back into the sea would have at best made the sea stars uncomfortable, along with giving them a chance to take a long walk back "home". at worst, the idiot cast them out beyond where the sea star can find food and shelter or even get back to these necessities... killing them slowly. thanks a lot.

and one final word: that other metaphor is worn out too. (Jesus is tired of walking on the beach.)