Bugs and Trousers

all is calm on the email front and i get a one-line email from a friend.

"Dave – I have a question to ask you. Do bugs like trousers?"

then i'm left to sit there and wonder what inspired that question.

i am the TA for the entomology course this semester, but when that information is usually shared the reaction i get is, "Oh, bugs... hmmm..." it's as if most people are reacting as if they have almost stepped all the way into an oversized mud puddle. they're hoping to back track and if they don't say another word i won't bump them off that precarious edge into the scary abyss that is the world of creepy-crawlies. with just a one-liner and no context, i chalked that email up to the sender's tendency for corny jokes.

"as for bugs and trousers... i'm waiting for the punchline.", i respond.

the next email to me was essentially, "Actually, I was kind of hoping you'd have the punch line, but I can see how you are going to make me figure it out instead of just giving me the answer."

apparently my assumption was wrong. i try and excuse my poor judgement.

i thought that the "bugs and trousers" bit was another one of your corny-joke fits. i was waiting for you to send the punch line. and then when i don't have a response to your question, you say:
...I can see how you are going to make me figure it out instead of just giving me the answer.
i don't know what you mean, but apparently, things make sense to you. i'm happy for you. i can only think of one reason why you might be asking me about bugs and trousers, and i'll be sending you more information right away.

after having a little more time to think things through, i remembered that i had sent out an email to some friends about six months prior. maybe my roommate, the person who first introduced me to this positor of questions, had told her to ask me about bugs and trousers. one quick search in gmail and the answer to the original question was on its way.

Subject: Contemplating the Myrmecological Connection to Trousers

PANTS!!!

ANTS!!!

those six months ago i had the simple urge to draw an anteater and send it to some friends. maybe my roommate had decided that i hadn't sent the picture to enough people, and had suggested to the questioning one that she ask me a question sufficient to direct the picture her way too. i was satisfied that i finally got things right.

the reply to my solution:

Subject: just because you use words no one else knows like myrnamologicallisterson doesn't mean you are cooler than me

sheesh. you ask a simple question and get some sort of sarcastic remark back! i was being absolutely sincere! however, i see now that i should have added some clarification to the question about why bugs dig trousers...

...Have you ever noticed that when people tell a bug story, somehow trousers are always involved? weird bug + trousers = really entertaining story...

...i'll take my bug questions elsewhere next time...

somehow, i had failed AGAIN! ¿how often do people use the word "trousers"? that word was in the original subject line of my email with the drawing and in her question. i thought for sure i had solved the puzzle, but instead i had let someone down a second time. i was almost starting to question my own validity as an entomology instructor. for my own personal pride i needed to find an answer to "bugs and trousers".

so, i thought for a while, and gave the question a third try at a solution.

right now i can think of two categories that may help to explain the frequency of the bug-pant nexus.

1. the legs may just be more amenable hosts

• legs are the body part that have only the feet between them and the ground. some bugs may choose the overland route and on to a foot and then the pants. plenty of people wear pants that brush the ground too.
• as people wade their way through daily life, maybe our lower extremities are permitted to brush up against more things without our notice: leaning our hips against what ever surface may support our weight; the little things that brush against our legs as we walk.
• even though most bugs have wings, gravity still applies. a bug may fall or be brushed off of a surface, and they are just landing on whatever is below. the probability of hitting pants on the way down is just a matter of topography.
• pants are often thicker, and the lower portions of our pants typically hang loose off of our limbs. maybe there is less chance for us to feel the little critters crawling across the surface of our clothes and we perform less subconscious grooming. in addition, hands can brush off arms, shoulders, torsos, heads and hips much easier than the legs on down.

2. maybe the pants surface makes bugs more visible
granted, i just mentioned that maybe we notice less when it comes to bugs on the lower half, but some of those final ideas in the first category still may apply to this one.

• a bug that we don't feel (and thereby may be subject to less subconscious grooming) may have more of a chance to get into visual range, or more of a chance to get into a perceivably threatening proximity.
• a bug on our back may come and go before we've noticed it's presence.
• when we sit, a good portion of our legs become a horizontal surface, and much easier to inspect than other body parts.

i'm not sure how you could test these hypotheses, but i think it is sufficient to say that the likelihood of bugs just being inherently attracted to some platonic ideal of pants might not be the most parsimonious deduction.

maybe i was thinking too much.